I am definitely feeling better today. Perhaps it has something to do with the call I got from a placement consultant. I am not redundant yet. That’s a very heartening thought. It was rather foolish of me to think that I would end up without a job. Sometimes, the state of your mind is such that you tend to make mountains out of molehills. Even, with the company I work for. There are problems, but that does not necessarily mean that they are going to retrench people. For the past 2 days, I was just observing other colleagues of mine. No one seems harried or worried. So, maybe I was reading too much into the news items and rumours. Like they say, you tend to believe what you want to believe.

The possibility that something bad will happen is always there. All our life. That does not mean that I should sit around fretting. I think that would be counter-productive. Instead, like someone wisely commented, I need to take this as a wake-up call. I need to stop being complacent and upgrade my skills. Make myself more marketable and all that. That way, I can ensure that I would add value to whichever organization I go to.  Even then, it might so happen that I may get laid off or something. I can try and have a back-up plan or something that will help me if such a thing happens. As long as I am healthy and have a ticking brain and reasonable skills, I will have work. I shall be able to pay my own bills and live my life. Perhaps it would be nice to have someone to rely on. A husband maybe, who would take care of things, should I get laid off or something. Maybe that is the reason why my parents got me married. It is nice to have someone to support you. This goes for guys as well.

But, as of now, I do not have that luxury.  I have always strived to be independent. To be able to take care of myself and all that. But, every once in a while, I wish I could depend on someone. I had someone who would watch over me. Pick me up when I fall. Take care of me. Be there for me. Doesn’t everyone want that? But, not everyone gets it. Sometimes I think it was my being independent that drove a wedge between my spouse and me. Perhaps I should have been more needy or something. Perhaps he felt that he was not needed in my life. I do not know. I do know this. This is who I am. I am a successful, independent, ambitious person. And I do not think there is any reason for me to be ashamed or apologetic about being who I am. I would never be a doormat and expect to be treated with respect. Respect is reciprocal.

Ideally, I would have liked to have a great job and a good man by my side. I got off to a bad start in the “man” department. It is probably going to take some time, if not forever to get that part of the equation right. I do have a good job. I enjoy a decent lifestyle. Of course, there are problems in being single. But I have no option but to face them. Take them in my stride. One thing I realized amidst all the tension and scare is that I should never lose hope. Hope is what keeps us alive. And dreams. What is life without a dream?

So, I have decided to dream and hope for a better future.  I will not just dream, I shall work towards making my dreams come true. And, most of all, I shall try to keep my head above the water. I shall try and stay afloat and not give in to feeling low and depressed.